All she wanted was to be heard.
But, fuck, apparently that wasn't a feasible request, because the second she said what was on her mind, she offended someone, was shut down, and went on like that, in an unbreakable cycle, until she had not a clue what to do with herself.
She didn't have it hard—she had the greatest pair of parents in the world, a sister who drove her nuts but she loved anyway, a great group of friends.
She tried her hardest to keep her mouth shut, not to upset everyone around her, to keep things the same. She'd deny it, but she feared change. She feared that everyone who was important to her today would somehow disappear, maybe just not be important anymore, and then what?
Where would she be?
She has a best friend, a girl she cares about more than almost anything. She'd do anything for this girl, and this girl is the only one that knows just about everything.
She always has something on her mind—a lot of times, she's not even involved. Maybe it's just a friend dealing with something. But she feels for everyone, tries her best to keep the people around because they matter far too much to just disappear.
She has a tendency to take things too far, and so she thinks. She hasn't had a stable guy friend in her life. She has a great self image, but some days, she hates everything that makes her herself.
Isn't that normal though? Teenagers hate themselves sometimes.
She was born a month early, and the doctors told her parents to feed her every two hours. She's struggled with her weight ever since.
She's far too mature for her age, always worrying about things that shouldn't worry her, always overanalyzing the people and things around her, always pinning the blame on herself, because when she doesn't, someone else will have to take it.
Something happened to her two years ago, messed her up. She doesn't know if she's the same as she was back then. Maybe a bit more serious, a bit more emotional, but she doesn't think she was drastically affected, even if it should have.
Silently, she compares herself to everyone. Maybe it is to make herself feel better, she doesn't know. It's always, I want to end up like this, or I don't want this to happen.
Silently, she begs for attention. She hasn't had a boyfriend for two years, isn't technically allowed to date. She just wants to be seen. She just wants somebody to prove her wrong.
She loves her friends, sometimes a bit too much. She wonders if they always want her around, or if she just annoys them. She's a bit too quiet, a bit too analytical, never really says what she thinks.
She takes too much to heart.
She's beginning to hate text messages, because she can never tell whether or not people are joking, whether or not it's her fault.
She likes to bake.
She's a writer, and an artist, so that she can handle the stress.
She tries too hard to watch out for everyone.
And slowly but surely, her words are getting her into trouble.
She can't feel in moderation.
And she's sorry for everything she's done wrong.
This is the way I see myself.